Wanderlove

SOOOOOOOO

carolineco — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 07:12:54 +0000

I may or may not be a in a relationship again starting tomorrow. Things are weird. Will and I were making fun of M for setting timelines on her relationships, but it looks like she was just about right in saying that we’d be dating for realsies on Monday…we’ll see if I actually get up the courage to make it happen.

TOO MANY PARTIES

carolineco — Sun, 17 Jan 2010 09:14:31 +0000

I’ll be the first to admit that I’m a total drama addict on occasion — I like having it in my life, I like talking about it. But I’ve been feeling super super sick of lately, I’ve been mostly wanting to hang out with people one-on-one, and preferably not just people in the same social group who all know each other’s drama inside and out.

I was just in an apartment building where two parties were going on across the hall. Lesbians and Tufts’ house kids in one, UT kids in the other. Needless to say, there was far too much potential for awkward overlap and I soon left. It’s funny that the more UT parties I go to, the more I primarily want to hang out mostly with a small group of individual people.

I pseudo figured out that M has a little bit of a control complex and can’t deal with me when I’m making the first move…it almost feels like she’s getting sick of me, although I know she just changes her mind frequently on that front. I might ditch her party tomorrow and just see what happens, ha! On the other hand, I really fucking hate games. Like the ones I’m now playing with B. Great.

In better news, and far more interesting news, I am now pretty seriously contemplating hooking up with a really fabulous low-drama BOY, we’ll call him G. Not only that, but I am really seriously considering hooking up with him and our friend S together…they’re both coming over to watch Shortbus tomorrow so uh…we’ll see what happens.

Let’s Just FUCK Already

carolineco — Thu, 14 Jan 2010 05:17:00 +0000

Seriously, B, this is getting a little out of control. And it makes me feel a little crazy. ‘Cuz I feel like there’s some sexual tension, but obvs I’m not going to make a move. And I know that you’re not going to make a move. But I feel like it’s a little off-limits for me to make a move since I’m pretty sure we left the ball in your court. Then again, the ball has been a little out-of-sight for awhile.
I suppose we’ll be a little drunk together this weekend, that always helps to clarify things, eh?

A Venerable Tradition

carolineco — Thu, 14 Jan 2010 05:14:51 +0000

And so it seems I get involved with someone every time I work on a show. I mean, I suppose the involvement was already in existence, but regardless…M is now my director.
M and I have been flirting in rehearsal, as we do. Nothing too overt, but the occasional prolonged eye contact, an arm around the shoulder here and there, today there was a flirty whisper in the ear during break. It’s certainly not obvious that we’re hooking up. But that we are.
I stopped by after rehearsal the last night to pick up a shirt (incidentally a shirt she borrowed that belonged to someone else I had hooked up with earlier this year…awkward times); we ended up under the covers in her bed, talking about the show and cuddling, a good debrief from the day. It wasn’t particularly sexual…we’re theatre kids after all, and theatre kids are ALL ABOUT the platonic cuddling.
But then all of a sudden, we were making out. Making out happens a lot between me and M — some people hug when we see each other, we make out.
But today I figured out some sort of genius combination; it’s not as if we haven’t fucked before, but things had cooled down for a while between us. Anyway, it was a combination of the hair pulling and the pinning of the arms and the kissing of the neck that really got things going, so I’ll certainly need to keep that in mind. I’m thinking I might try to get her somewhere a little more public, too. I mean, it should be pretty obvious that a person who calls themself an exhibitionist would get off on a little hookin up in Reynolds Club, right?

umm…yes.

carolineco — Sun, 10 Jan 2010 03:55:18 +0000

so apparently theatre is a really great way to get laid. being onstage is really motherfucking hot…good thing I’m working on two shows this quarter? One of which is directed by M? life is good.

don’t stop can’t stop won’t stop

carolineco — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 04:19:24 +0000

flirting is way too much fun.

Seriously? Already?

carolineco — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 04:17:48 +0000

For some unclear reason…I cannot stop being a nut around B. Yes, I have a silly schoolgirl crush on her; yes, I want to hang out with her all the time; yes, I just wish we could make out sometimes…
but I also know that friendship is the name of the game, given that she’s kind of a wreck emotionally and given that I’ve been kind of a Lothario with others lately (more to come…) (no pun intended)

but still, I get goofy, I give too many hugs, I get a little flustered. it happens. crushes are real.

Packing and Shipping (off)

carolineco — Tue, 08 Dec 2009 20:27:11 +0000

The end of the quarter is all around me, final exams, goodbyes until the new year. Everything feels very… ephemeral, “the ephemerality of everything,” as M said yesterday.

This isn’t really about a hook-up or my constant moving from one girl to the next, because I guess I haven’t been doing that lately. I consciously chose to not go home with a cute girl who was hitting on me at Iah’s party on Friday, and I’ve been spending a lot of time with B and M, building relationships that might last past a fleeting or drunken attraction.

It feels weird that Winter break is sneaking up on me in the midst of all this, leaving my relationships (especially with M) happily undefined, which is something I’d always had trouble with in the past. Everything is completely different from how I’d imagined it would be; the people I get most excited to see are people I didn’t know when I arrived at school, broken-hearted and disillusioned, in September.

Things come in waves – my desire to be alone: it’s either an urgent need to be around others or on the phone or an urgent need to get to my room so I can lie on my bed and listen to the Noisettes. Sometimes I feel sad and lonely, missing the stability of a relationship, and other times I embrace being single and having time for tons of new friends, those are the times that I reflect on how unstable my past relationships have really been.

I guess this change from fleeting attractions and one-night stands to making time for friends and leaving room for real relationships to grow comes from a desire for stability; friends feel very stable, especially the ones I’m making now. We’ve all been a bit battered around lately and we’re supportive of each other in ways that still astound me. The sexual relationships that I am in are ones I’ve decided not to obsess about or attempt to control.

I always used to think that I’d rather be passionate and throw myself into things with the chance of getting hurt than play it safe and risk losing amazing relationships with people. I’m pleasantly surprised to find that I’m passionate about focusing on stable relationships and that the friends I’m making now seem more amazing than a lot of the people I’ve dated.

Links of Interest: The Noisettes – Wild Young Hearts

Autumn Quarter in Numbers

carolineco — Fri, 04 Dec 2009 23:23:18 +0000

1 late night make out with a straight first year during O-Week

1 epic showmance (B) consisting of a whirlwind of confusion, obsession (on my part), secrets, knowing glances, late night hook ups, German text messages, and intense backstage hook-up analyses

2 bawling-my-eyes out conversations with the ex (Iah)

2 drunken make out on a bar with a hot girl (M) after a cast party; three unsuccessful hours trying to get into her pants

3 weeks of dates and hooking up with aforementioned hot girl after an on-stage seduction via monologue; she doesn’t have a phone so its all very spontaneous

3 hook-ups Halloween night while my old roommate was in town: one with an ambiguously gendered person who was, shall we say, a biter; one instance of finger fucking with a cute tranny boy; and one horrendous make-out sesh against a wall with a hipster fag with an ironic mustache

3 sweet and semi romantic video chat sessions with the cutest girl in Cleveland (Libby) who’s now involved…with an ex from home

Back in Boston

carolineco — Sun, 29 Nov 2009 06:03:02 +0000

The showmance was indeed only a showmance…things kind of fell apart, almost too predictably, the day after the last run.

After both the show and my short lived romance ended, it was back to Boston, plenty of time for processing a bevy of things and for shit to hit the emotional fan. Real hard. Indeed, it’s been a weekend of a lot of Ani DiFranco, the Weepies, and Missy Higgins. So bad, so gay.

In addition to feeling like everything’s ending, the ex for some reason ended up in Cambridge for Thanksgiving break (especially curious given her professed hatred for all things East Coast…god, California girls!). Galavanting around Cambridge with Elizabeth all of a sudden became a little more interesting with the constant possibilities of running into either the ex or the girl she cheated with. It seems things can never be calm.

On a more positive and potentially more interesting note, it seems one of my queerspawn buddies has been having a sort of fling on the DL with a Ms. Margaret Cho…queerspawn always have the most interesting sex lives!

Links of Interest: Dorothy Snarker always keeps things interesting when my sex life is not